Random acts of mahem.

Good evening...uh, morning! It is 12:55am and I have just risen out of bed --- no, strike that-- was kicked out of bed by my son and daughter who think that their mommy's bed (KING SIZE) is large enough to thrash around in. Eric is at work yet again tonight, and so my thoughts have no where to turn but to the blog spot! Lucky you!
I have been trying to determine lately what it is exactly the Lord is wanting to do in my and my family during this stage of our life. However, the more I ponder and try to figure out what it is He is wanting to do, is doing, or will do; I become more and more anxious about what it is I should be doing. We have several great friends that continue to remind us that we are called to His ministry and that we should be doing this or that....we have great friends with hearts of Gold who want to see us working in His church and earning monies for what we have had the privilege of education and experience to do -- We have wonderful friends who want to see us succeed in every aspect of ministry --reach the multitudes, lost and broken families, win Winchester and Indiana back into His family; and great friends in the churches who desperately need leadership help to help them take their churches to the next level. Honestly -- right now, though, I am not sure that is what He wants me (or us) to do. I am not even sure He wants me to DO anything.
Lately, I am overwhelmed with a sense of peace. A peace that only comes with enjoying the presence of my Lord with me wherever I am. A peace that sometime while I was in the midst of DOING ministry I lost and only have recently recovered it in the last two years. In the midst of striving to DO and BE things that "man" needed and wanted, I lost the enjoyment of being present in Him, and fulfilling His dreams for me and my family -- and ultimately the desires of our hearts. This was my fault completely, a fault of my driven type A personality -- driven by leadership and goals, driven by status and achievement, driven by success and failure - and by acceptance and recognition. All in themselves, are not wrong. All in themselves without our Lord in the center, is sin. It is a wonder this world has the stress related illnesses it battles with, that I battle with, the syndromes and phobias and anxieties of this day. Peace. A word that this world knows little about -- but needs more than anything.
So tonight, I conclude in my thoughts, that I will no longer strive to Do -- I only want to continue to BE His Love in this city, in this place and minister to those who He brings in our path. To Be of help and of courage, to BElong to Him and out of the overflowing of our joy, splash a little along to those who need a little extra. Lord, help me do this. You know my personality is not of easy rest...but yours is of Peace. Praise your Holy Name today!